It's Time to Ditch Pain-Based Marketing and Embrace Desire-Driven Approaches

“The way you are speaking is very feminine, and it’s like you’re seducing me. I don’t want to be seduced in your marketing. When I’m reading your copy, I want to be clearly told what it is.”

When she said this to me, I felt the tension rise in my body. 

It was another instance of being told that the feminine way doesn’t work, that there’s something inherently wrong with leading with desire, with pleasure, with seduction. 

But what struck me even more was the reasoning she gave: “When you’re marketing, you need to be in your masculine so that your feminine people can be drawn in by it.”

I sat there, processing her words, and everything in me screamed, No, this isn’t right.

(And as a splenic projector, I’ve learned to listen to my intuition, to how my body is guiding me, regardless of what people are telling me.)

I knew the truth of what I’ve experienced with my clients and my own life:

When I’m marketing in a feminine way, I’m not simply seducing anyone for the sake of it—I’m engaging with their masculine energy. 

I want my feminine energy to draw in and seduce their masculine energy. 

That’s the dance.

The feminine and the masculine want to be seduced.

And when I invite them into my space, when they choose to step into the container I’ve created, that’s when I shift. 

I step into my masculine energy, creating structure, safety, and guidance, allowing them to lean into their feminine, to feel safe enough to explore, to create, to desire. 

That’s the true power of feminine marketing—it invites the masculine in a seductive way (plus enough clear details to feel safe) in a way that feels aligned, balanced, and deeply satisfying.

Because pain is not the only way forward—and I’m tired of the “experts” in the field honoring old ways of operating when we’re in a time where those ways are failing, and we’re being invited to offer new solutions, new ways. 

For me, that’s shifting how we buy by honoring how the FEMININE moves, not just the masculine.

After all, women are considered the primary buyers in the world, influencing a significant portion of purchasing decisions—

(YES, studies and reports have shown that women control or influence 70-80% of consumer spending globally.)

yet we’re being told to market to them like men. 

That seems like a missed opportunity.

And after years of working in copywriting, marketing and business strategy, there’s a profound shift in buying/selling – especially to women – that we can’t ignore.

This is where pleasure-based approaches come in.

“I’m done learning from pain. I only want to learn from pleasure now.”

This realization didn’t come overnight. It was a journey—a journey that began in the summer of 2022 when I started my Wildly Satisfied journey. During this time, everything I was learning pointed me toward a profound truth: we don’t need to learn from pain; we can learn from pleasure instead.

One of the most transformative experiences on this journey occurred in December 2022, during my second psychedelic experience in Costa Rica. I participated in a multi-day Wachuma ceremony—an ancient practice involving the use of grandfather energy. On the first day, I went into it with an open heart, saying, “I’m open to anything,” and anything came. The experience was deeply painful, raw, and healing.

The next day, as I sat in our open circle with the facilitators, I reflected on the intensity of the previous day.

I told them, “It was really painful and deep. I didn’t realize that was going to happen. I think I’m done learning from pain. I only want to learn from pleasure now.”

Setting this intention changed everything. 

From that moment forward, every single time we did Wachuma on that trip, it was different – lighter, easier, beautifully guided instead of “rip me open and burn it all away” approaches. 

Now, I live by a simple yet powerful philosophy: I don’t need to wait for things to get bad enough to make a change. If I want something different, that’s enough. I’m done learning from pain. My path is paved with pleasure, and that’s the only way I move forward now.

This shift has dramatically changed how I approach life and business. 

I no longer feel attached to things or living in a stressed state constantly – instead, I focus on what I want, what I desire, and that’s how I move forward.

It didn’t have to be painful for me to make a change.

This philosophy of moving through life guided by desire rather than pain became even clearer when I decided to move out of the first home I stayed in after moving to Austin. 

My roommate, when I told her I was leaving, said, “Oh my god, I feel like I didn’t give you a great experience. It was horrible, and that’s why you’re wanting to move.”

I could see the concern in her eyes, so I put my hand on her arm and said, “No, the experience was not bad. There was nothing bad about me living here. I just had a desire for something more.”

I explained to her that I had a vision of living in a house with vaulted ceilings, modern fixtures, a content house—all these things that sparked joy and excitement in me. That vision, that desire, was what made me want to move. It wasn’t about running away from something painful; it was about moving toward something more aligned with what I wanted.

We’re often conditioned to believe that change only happens when the pain gets bad enough. When the pain is bad enough, you will change. But I think that’s a bunch of bullshit. For feminine entrepreneurs, and in pleasure-based marketing, it’s the desire that makes us move.

I had no pain in that house where I felt, “Oh my God, I have to leave.” 

No, I just had a desire for something more – and that was all I needed to make a change. 

This experience was a turning point for me—it solidified my belief that we don’t need pain to drive our decisions. 

Desire is powerful enough – but that doesn’t mean we’re ignoring the pain.

Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not that we’re ignoring pain points, pretending everything is all sunshine and rainbows. 

No, no, no. We’re absolutely going to talk about the pain—but we’re not going to stick a dagger into your back, twist it, and then point at it saying, “You’re failing, and it’s all your fault.”

There’s a crucial distinction to be made here. 

The old "bro-ey" way of marketing often relied on shame-based tactics. 

It would say, “You’re fat, you’re overweight, you feel horrible,” driving home the shame to force action. But that approach doesn’t work anymore. It never really did. All it did was make us sick, stressed, and disconnected from our true selves.

Then there’s the more traditional masculine approach, which focuses on pain first. 

It says, “You can’t even drag yourself out of bed. You feel like you can’t fit into that dress. You walk by the mirror, and you don’t like what you see.” 

And then, they dangle the pleasure: “But you really want to look great in that red dress. You want to feel toned and strong.” They lead with the pain, and then they offer the pleasure as a reward.

The feminine approach flips this on its head. 

We say, “You know you want to walk by that mirror and think, ‘Damn, I look good in this red dress. I feel confident, powerful, and unstoppable.’” 

We paint that picture of joy, confidence, and ease. 

And then we say, “But the reason you don’t have that right now is because something is standing in your way. Maybe it’s a lack of energy, or maybe you’re not moving your body in a way that feels good, or perhaps the food you’re eating isn’t nourishing you.”

It’s not about denying the pain—it’s about reframing it as a step on the journey to something greater.

It’s essential to understand that our ideas around business, sales, and marketing have largely come from a male-dominated perspective. 

It’s much like the research we’ve relied on for decades, only to find out later that it was based mostly on male participants. We need to recognize that a lot of the information we have about ‘how the world works’ comes from a masculine—and often traumatized—perspective.

That’s why traditional marketing often leads with pain. 

It’s designed to trigger the masculine response: fix the problem, create safety, eliminate the threat. 

The feminine, however, moves differently. We lead with pleasure, with possibility, with the feeling we want to create – and then we gently show the pain as the obstacle to that pleasure. 

The shift from pain to pleasure isn't just about marketing—it's about transforming how we approach business entirely. While we're wired to avoid pain, we're far beyond primitive neanderthals. 

Yes, it’s true—our brains are wired to move away from pain – that’s why pain-based marketing has been justified for so long. 

But here’s the thing: we’re evolved creatures.

We’re in what I call “The Feminine Renaissance”.

And what I’ve observed in the way the feminine moves versus the masculine is that it’s actually pleasure that gets us to move—with just a little bit of pain.

Pain might nudge us, it might alert us to something being off, but it’s the promise of pleasure that truly pulls us forward. 

It’s the possibility of desire fulfilled that makes us take action, that makes us lean in, that makes us say, “Yes, I want that.”

So, while the masculine approach puts pain first and pleasure second, the feminine flips it. We put pleasure first, followed by a gentle reminder of what’s standing in the way. 

And in doing so, we create a marketing approach that feels aligned, that feels good, that resonates deeply with those we’re meant to serve.

It’s about honoring the feminine, not just in ourselves but in our clients, our communities, and the world at large.

Start by asking yourself: 

• What do I desire? 

• What would feel truly pleasurable in my business? 

• How can I inspire my clients not through their pain, but through their desires, their dreams, and their joy?

When you lead with desire, you create a business that feels good to run, and you attract clients who are excited to work with you—not because they’re trying to escape something, but because they’re drawn to the possibility of something greater.

The future of feminine business is rooted in desire and pleasure-based approaches – not the outdated notion that pain is the only way forward.

Pleasure-based marketing isn’t just a strategy; it’s a revolution.

We’re done with driving pain deeper to capture a lead and turn them into a sale.

Ewww.

For too long, the business world has revered the "no pain, no gain" mantra, championing old methods that no longer serve us in this evolving era. 

We’re in a time when the world’s traditional ways are crumbling, and new solutions are not just desired—they're essential. For me, this revolution is about honoring how the FEMININE moves, not just the masculine, which is why I created an entire media platform for it.

We're still being told to market everyone the same way – in ways that appeal to a masculine energy – ways that often miss the mark entirely.

This is where the profound shift begins—acknowledging that the way we market and sell, especially to women, must evolve. 

The future of feminine business is one where we move from a place of alignment, where our desires lead the way, and where pleasure isn’t just an afterthought—it’s the driving force behind everything we do.

So, let go of the old narratives. 

Embrace the power of desire. 

And watch as your business transforms into something more aligned, more joyful, and more sustainable than you ever thought possible.

If this resonates with you, I’m excited to share that I’ll soon be offering in-depth guidance on building a sustainable business that’s fueled by turn-on and desire. 

This isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about practical strategies and marketing tools that honor both the feminine and masculine energies.

We’ll explore how to create a business foundation that thrives on pleasure while setting standards that your masculine energy can confidently lead from. 

Whether it’s pleasure-based marketing, sustainable growth strategies, or integrating your unique essence into every aspect of your business, these offerings are designed to bring out the best in both your feminine and masculine energies.

For the first time, I’m taking the tools and strategies I’ve used with my high-level clients for years and making them available to the public, so if a pleasurable, feminine approach turns you on, join my email list. 

Be the first to know when these offerings go live and take the first step toward a business that feels as good as it looks.

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